Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.
"See that over there? What is that?" asks the first crow.
The second crows takes a long look and then says, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it?"
"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?" replies the first crow.
"Look at its hands," says the second crow. "It's not holding a mobile phone."
You Know You've Been Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You just completed another sweater... and you don't know how to knit!
You answer the door before people knock.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You ski uphill.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
You name your dog "Valdez."
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You lick your coffeepot clean!
About a century About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome.
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky.
So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the debate. Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible! "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler.
9. The pews have camper hookups.
8. You overhear the pastor telling the sound man to have a few (dozen!) extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon.
7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.
6. The preacher breaks for an intermission.
5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus.
4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a filing cabinet.
3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys.
2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher turns up a four-foot hour-glass.
And the number one sign you are in for a long sermon...
1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the super bowl" but it's only September!
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because, I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"
Lucy paused, smiled and said, "Then, I'd be an atheist!"
A bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish! Fortunately, a bilingual man was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message.
The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The man answered, "He said, 'Get lost. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir.
The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
Reasons Why Average Christians Can't Play Baseball
There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!"
The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!"
The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."
The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!"
The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. My pastor will find me!"
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Mr. Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er - - right."
"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Mr. Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin' all these times?"
A man bought a mule from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this mule had been trained in a special way. The only way to make the mule go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the mule stop, was to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The mule began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The mule stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off, very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the mule stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The mule just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!... Church!... Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The mule just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Make this mule stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."
The mule came to an abrupt stop, just one step from the edge of the cliff.
"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
A small town had three churches Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist.
All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.
The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.
The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.
The Baptists had the best solution. They voted the squirrels in as members. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.7
After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Three ministers were talking over lunch and before long found themselves discussing how much of the weekly donations was appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord.
The first minister says, "I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on both sides, and throw the money into the air... whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's and whatever lands on the left is mine."
The second minister notes that he uses a similar method, but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine."
They both contemplate each other's answer and finally turn to the third minister who is sitting there without saying anything.
"Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third.
"Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the air, but I figure whatever the Lord wants, He'll grab, and I keep whatever hits the floor."
A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again.
"How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But, again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord???"
A little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time!! I'm putting on my shoes."
A certain senator was sitting in his attorney's office.
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the Senator incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
A boss was determined not to hire an Irishman, so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
So Murphy say's, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What the hell's that?"
Murphy says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."
Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Murphy says, "Each trees dirty now! So it's dirty tree, 'n dirty tree, 'n dirty tree, dat's 99"
The boss is getting worried he's' going to have to hire Murphy, so he says "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the Number 100."
Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got it!" He makes a 999 little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir, 100."
The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks, "Ha! Got him this time." "Go on Murphy, you must be mad if you think that represents a hundred!"
Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and poos by each tree, so now you've got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hundred.
When do I start me job?"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story is: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there a cow came by and dropped some dung on the bird.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The Morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.
For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.
Finally the old girl passed away.
On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."
His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"
How can you possibly not love the Irish?
"Personal ads" in the Dublin News
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exits in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
-----------------------------------------------------
Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
------------------------------------------------------
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old ******, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.
------------------------------------------------------
Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
------------------------------------------------------
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
------------------------------------------------------
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open- minded twin sister
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
The woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
Your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
Your boyfriend calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test
You have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up
Your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!"
Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!"
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy really has guts!
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!
8:15AM Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30AM Weigh in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday.
8:45AM Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed OJ & croissants.
9:15AM Soothing hot bath with fragrant lavender bath oil.
10:00AM Workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30AM Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out.
12:00PM Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.
12:45PM Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs.
1:00PM Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3:00PM Nap. 4:00PM 3 dozen roses delivered by florist from secret admirer
4:15PM Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.
5:30PM Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror.
7:30PM Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
10:00PM Hot shower.
10:30PM Make love.
11:00PM Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15PM Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
6:00AM Alarm.
6:15AM Blowjob.
6:30AM Massive dump while reading sports section.
7:00AM Breakfast, filet mignon & eggs, toast & coffee.
7:30AM Limo arrives.
7:45AM Bloody Mary enroute to airport.
8:15AM Private jet to Augusta, Georgia (coffee, SI & WSJ)
9:30AM Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45AM Front nine at Augusta (2 under).
11:45AM Lunch, 2 doz. oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.
12:15PM Blowjob.
2:15PM Back nine at Augusta (4 under).
2:30AM Limo back to airport (Martini, shaken, two olives).
3:15PM Private jet, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).
4:30PM Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249lbs).
5:00PM Private jet back home (blowjob at 30,000 feet).
6:45PM Shit, shower and shave.
7:00PM Watch Playboy Channel (jerk off).
7:30PM Dinner, Dom Perigon (1963), lobster, 20oz NY Steak.
9:00PM Remy Martin and Cuban Cohiba cigar.
9:30PM Sex with three women (at least 2 are bi).
11:00PM Massage and Jacuzzi.
11:45PM Bed (alone).
11:50PM 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves room.
11:55PM Sleep.
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss...
But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.
"Fish?" queries Noah.
"Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, You want a New Ark?"
"Check".
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"
"Check".
"And you want it full of Carp?".
"Check."
"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether..........
"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark."
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.
"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You better have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.
"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."
"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board."
"Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls."
"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind."
"Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."
"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!"
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire."
"The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."
With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord, "the government already has."